Goin' To The Chapel

Wedding season is upon us with a vengeance, it seems. So far, I've received a few invites along with some 'Save The Date' notifications. All this bliss has caused me to do some heavy thinking in the matrimonial area of life and what these blinded-by-love, don't-have-a-clue, young innocents might potentially have lying in store for them ahead...

It all started as I sat in church and listened to the Pastor as he taught a new series that dealt with various family issues. One of the issues was an illustration of how the bride readies herself for her groom on their special day by making sure, starting months in advance, that everything about her and her most important day is nothing less than pure perfection. As for the groom... these days it seems that even the grooms are as involved and caught up in the wedding details as much, if not moreso, than most brides. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this one... needless to say, things have changed quite a bit in this area since I got married a while ago.

As the Pastor continued his sermon, he began describing how this isn't real life and I couldn't agree more. Why not, instead of seeing her at her very best walking down that aisle, she comes in as a walking mess, carrying with her a little infertility or maybe some cancer here and there, oh and throw in a dash of closet drinking to top things off? As she nears the love of her life, the one she's about to pledge her life to and offer up those vows with, she sees him standing there, waiting to greet her... only he, too, is a mess with issues of his own. With each step she takes, she sees the scars from his past heart surgeries, the oxygen tank he now drags around with him due to the emphysema from years of smoking, and then she realizes that tank isn't the only thing her beloved is dragging around. She notices one side of his body is lifeless from the recent stroke he suffered, leaving him partially paralyzed, which explains the wheelchair waiting at his side.

Sounds a bit on the dramatic side, doesn't it? Acutally, it holds more truth than I had ever thought possible. Well, that is until I got married and suddenly realized that life sometimes just isn't the way we dream or hope it will be for us. I've always said that the wedding is the easy part... staying married is where the challenge lies. It's in these challenges of hearing those words, "You've miscarried..." It's in these challenges of getting that phone call informing you that your husband was just hit by a car while out working roadside. It's in these challenges of getting laid off from a really good job. It's in the challenges of running to the hospital to say good-bye to a dying loved one together. It's in the challenge of facing a major crisis, not knowing if your wife will pull through or ever be the same physically or emotionally that our true selves are revealed. These challenges and many more I won't list are just a few my husband and I have had to face at one point or another since getting married. Obviously, none of it has been easy, but that's life and life has a funny way of sometimes not playing fair.

I guess this is where I get to share about the man I married almost thirty years ago. Coming from two very different worlds, we were instantly drawn to each other. Well, almost instantly, but since I'm fairly certain my children will be reading this, as far as they're concerned, it was love at first sight!

From the very beginning, I knew he was a loving, caring man with many outstanding qualities that were hard to come by in anyone I'd previously been seeing. We've both always believed that we were meant to be together... "You're the reason God made Oklahoma" was his song for me. Life was full of exciting and adventurous times at the beginning of our marriage. However, it didn't take long for the reality of facing our first challenge, a miscarriage, to blindside us. Neither of us saw it coming and it was hard. But, he was there for me every step of the way, even though I knew he had to be hurting, too. He was man enough to take care of my needs before his own. Soon after, his mother passed away suddenly. Another hit that left us reeling to the core.

Many things, good and bad, have taken place since then, most recently being my heart issues. I have to say that he, along with my best friend, Kym, never left my side before, during and after the Bypass Surgery. I won't go into detail, but this man... this superman of mine, did some things no husband should ever have to do for his wife. Ever! But, he did them and never once complained. He pushed me to do the required walking once I'd gotten to the 'Cardiac Boot Camp Floor' even though I was less than cooperative. He made sure I got to all my doctor appointments and Cardiac Rehab appointments, even if he had to reschedule all his appointments for the day. He has made more dinners and cleaned up afterward than I can count. He has played Mr. Mom to our youngest daughter with taking her to all her practices and games. And... I'm proud and most thankful to say he's still hanging in there with me without one complaint through any of it! I think I would go as far to say he's my biggest supporter and number one fan. He believes I can do anything and encourages me to at least try. He's one amazingly, wonderful, loving, loyal and devoted guy... that's his name, by the way. Guy. And I'm one very blessed and grateful girl to have him by my side!

Now, as for all those newly married couples or those just about to be newly married, take heart... life will throw some really tough curve balls your way, but don't get discouraged. Remember those vows... "in good times and in bad. In sickness and health. For richer or poorer..." Make them real in your lives because the issues of life are very real and you will need each other. Most importantly, if God is truly the center of your union, as He should be, you will make it through those challenges intact... maybe a little battered and bruised, but stronger together and two are always better than one. For if one falls, the other will pick him up...

Thank you for continuing to pick me up, Guy!

xoxoxo

LIFE Rehearsal

The other day, I was editing images from a shoot I did for our church, which happens to be called LIFE Church. When going through this process, I always put the images in their own file, titled by the name of the person or event. Genius, huh? Anyway, as I was finishing up, I realized this new folder needed a name so I decided to call it 'LIFE Rehearsal'. (These particular images were test shots during a rehearsal of a special service they were getting ready to have.) Again... genuis, huh?

The next day, as the actual event was taking place, I, along with three other photographers, could be found running around trying to get various candid and creative shots of all the events taking place at once. One of my favorite kind of jobs, by the way! Once done and breathing a very exhilerating sigh of relief, I began going through all the shots (about 400 of them) so that I could crop and color correct. I knew this would be no small task, but I was excited and honored to be asked so I began to gear up for the job ahead. Actually, in my own personal opinion, shooting a job is the easy part. The real work begins once you sit down at that computer and begin an intimate relationship with Photoshop!

As expected, it took me a few days to get through all the images, but each time I sat down to work and opened up the file, those words, 'LIFE Rehearsal' hit me like a brick! LIFE Rehearsal. Life. Rehearsal. The more I saw and thought about these words, the more I realized that this life we're living isn't a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs. Not exactly a huge revelation, is it? However, for me, it is. For so long, I spent much of my life waiting. I'm not exactly sure what it was I was waiting on, but for lack of a better way to explain it, I waited. I waited for just the perfect time to get on a plane and take a dream vacation. I waited and got myself psyched up for the right moment to quit smoking. Along these lines, waiting was the name of the game for many areas of my life such as giving up sugar, losing weight, exercising and just getting my life together, in general.

To my dismay, (I've always wanted to use those words in a sentence and thought, 'why wait') this little heart incident that has so rudely interrupted my life has changed my perspective on many things. Actually, I pretty much had no choice. It was either do or die... literally. So, I decided to make a choice and stop waiting. Stop waiting to die, which is seriously what I found myself doing after half my heart decided to stop working on me. I decided to get out and live while I could, no matter what it took. I decided to splurge and buy that camera that I'd had my eye on for the last year and go ahead and upgrade my current Photoshop program so that I could get back to work and follow through with what I've always known to by one of my passions. I decided to just do my best to enjoy each day I am given and take the biggest leap of faith I ever could have imagined and in doing that I have found that it's a pretty amazing life! There are so many fascinating things out there that are right at our fingertips, waiting for us to just grab hold of and go!

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, this life we live here on earth is not a dress rehearsal. As corny and hokey as it may sound, it truly is the real thing and as for me, when I look back, I want to be able to say that living this life of mine was more wonderful than I could have ever dreamed. Having others say, "Man, she really knew how to live..." wouldn't be such a bad thing, either.

xo

SUYL Favorite Vacation Spot: Key West, Florida

The Florida Keys... where the weather is perfect, the scenery is gorgeous and serene and the food is delish!

You Know It's Going To Be A Bad Day When...

+You wake up, face down, on the pavement.
+You get to work and find a 60 Minutes News Team waiting in your office.
+Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
+You wake up and discover that your waterbed broke... and then you realize you don't have a waterbed.
+You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of your city.
+Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
+Your car horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.
+Your four-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
+You realize you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.
+Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.
+You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
+You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonite and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
+Airline food starts to taste good.
+Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
+Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
+Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
+You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.
+The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
+Your income tax refund check bounces.
+You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
and finally...
+It costs more to fill up your car that it did to buy it.

Life is meant to be lived. Get out and enjoy every second.


xoxoxo

Update on last week's post: I survived and made it past Thursday's tune-up to the ICD. Turns out, the nurse in the office had misread the settings on my implanted device. I believe she now owes me about four boxes of hair color and the last two years of my life back!

The Lighter Side

I've heard it said that when facing trials, instead of focusing on the obvious, try looking for the good in whatever it is. Well, alrighty then. Here goes...


Yesterday was not such a good day... just ask my mother-in-law. (Thank you, by the way, mother-in-law, for loving me like you do!)


It all began with a phone call I received from my Cardiologist's office. Patty, the nurse over the ICD/Pacemaker patients, had noticed on my 'download' that was automatically sent in over the phone (it's something almost like Wi-Fi, but it's not... it's complicated) there was something there that wasn't right. "We need you to come in and see the ICD 'Specialists' when they're here on Thursday. You need some kind of adjustment and they're the only ones who can figure out what's wrong." Those are the words she said. Here's what I heard: "You're dying and I can't tell you why, so let's just hope you make it 'til Thursday so that you don't die."


Let's hope. (*Said in my Kourtney Kardashian monotone-expressionless-face-voice!)


While on the subject, it's amazingly interesting, the various conversations overheard (and no, I'm not eavesdropping! Keep in mind most of these patients with weak hearts are also hard-of-hearing. Enough said.) while sitting in the waiting room of the Cardiologist's office. For example, the following is a real conversation between two ladies that could be overheard by the whole room:


Patient One: My husband and I used to go catfishing all the time and then he died. But before he died, this one time we went fishing off a bridge and we caught a 47 pound flathead! That thing was so heavy, it took both of us to pull it up out of the water and even then it fought so hard, I had to get out my gun and shoot it in the head!


Patient Two: Really? What do you do with those things?


Patient One: What things?


Patient Two: The flat-thingies.


Patient One: Well, you eat 'em!!


Patient Two: Really?! (She actually seemed a bit repulsed by the thought!)


Patient One: Oh, yeah... them's the best eatin'!!


Shortly after, and thankfully, I was called to the back to see Doctor. Honestly, it was all I could do not to just bust out laughing, uncontrollably and here's the kicker... I can relate to exactly what Patient One is talking about as my husband is an avid catfisherman. I've heard the stories. I've seen the size of some of these 'flat-thingies' and I've even heard them wail after their tails have been cut off in order to let them bleed out. One thing I have not seen, though, is anyone shooting one of these fish in the head! I guess you do what you gotta do.







Why am I reminded of banjos all of a sudden? Who am I kidding... those 'flathead thingies' really are good eatin'!


Oh, to be of the age where you can say whatever you want and don't give a care! Let's hope I make it past Thursday so that I can find out...


Go out and share a smile today. Some stranger might just need what only you have to give!





xoxoxo

Running The Race

I went to a track meet the other day and found myself on sensory overload. There was so much going on at one time, so many schools with various jerseys, this event or that being announced one after another and just a lot of noise in general. After many phone calls, I finally found my daughter amongst all the teenage kids, waiting for their respective events to begin. Ours, just so, happened to take place at the end of the day so it made for a long day of waiting, picture taking and people watching. I actually like to watch people and observe their different behaviors so I didn't really mind this wait much at all.

As the day wore on, the events seemed to get longer and longer. At one point, while sitting in the stands watching a girl's event that was rather long, it was obvious they were getting tired coming down the homestretch. Then I saw her. The girl at the very end of the very long line of girls running toward the finish line. There was something about her that I found fascinating. I pulled up my camera and took her picture before I even realized it and then it hit me... I am that girl!

Well, I don't mean that in a literal sense, obviously. However, when I saw her bringing up the rear, clearly much slower than the rest of the pack in front of her, with this look of 'why-even-try' on her face, I could immediately relate to her situation. I looked at my friend sitting next to me, who happened to see her at the same time I did and said, "And that would be me... dragging up the rear, barely hanging on in this race of life, BUT not giving up!" We laughed, but there was a certain amount of truth to that statement.

Even though I don't understand why things had to happen the way they did or when they did, the point remains is that they did happen and I can't go back to undo any of it. So now what? Maybe today wasn't a good day to write, because today is one of those days that I either want to stay in bed and cope with it all by sleeping or get out and hit the road with no particular destination in mind and just drive until I run out of gas.

My life, after a year-and-a-half, still feels so up and down and I find that frustrating. I still get angry when I hear statistics about heart failure patients. I don't want to be defined by this scar running down the middle of my chest or the amount of pills I take each day. This is the point at which the race gets hard and I just want to throw my hands up, but... something inside keeps pushing me on toward that finish line. Maybe it has a little something to do with this saying I've sort of lived my life by since hearing it about twenty- five years ago: "Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can!" Yes, I have a stubborn streak and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It is what it is.

Whatever the case, this is life. And it's a hard day in the life of being me. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I won't look at all the people who complain about everything and not want to shake some sense into them. Tomorrow, I will be more appreciative of all the little things in life that I am able to accomplish instead of focusing on what is taxing on my body, wearing me down. Tomorrow I just might go shopping and love every minute of it. Tomorrow, the sun will come out. Tomorrow... you're only a day away. And tomorrow, I'll be one step closer to the finish line.

xoxoxo

In A Heart Beat

That's how quickly things can change without us ever seeing it coming! One of these life-changing events, for me, was the day my mother passed away. I'll never forget that day and the details throughout...

I woke up early and started getting ready for a day of shopping with my daughter. It wasn't long after that when the phone rang. The caller ID showed that it was the hospital number. Who can honestly say that they've never had 'that thought' when they've seen 'that number' come up?

'That thought' crossed my mind, briefly, but when I did answer and was asked if _________ was my mother, I felt my heart drop and then I held my breath. The news was not good. They explained that she had been brought in by ambulance during the night and, after much testing, it had been determined that she had a perforated bowel that could not be repaired due to the fragility of her heart. "Things don't look good. You'd better call the rest of the family together." I will forever remember those words.

We knew she hadn't been feeling well, but had no warning that her time on earth was about to come to an end so abruptly. Later that night, she passed away.

We've all had those moments when something suddenly stops us in our tracks and puts things into perspective. Whether it's family, close friends or something happening to us directly, those times aren't easy to face. Sometimes they're downright unfair and leave us confused, hurt, bitter, angry and full of 'why's'!

When one of those events hits you dead on, it's quite the wake-up call. After my heart attack, I can remember being told that depression, suicidal thoughts and just wanting to give up was quite normal. Seems having a near-death experience tends to give one a whole new outlook on the world around you. I can attest to that fact. I can name off many others who have also experienced those feelings. I, however, prefer not to refer to them as 'normal'. Whether it's just a time of testing, a time of growing, a time of reflecting... whatever it is or whatever it is meant to accomplish, I honestly don't know. The one thing I do know is that, for me, life will never be the same. Some days I work hard at making sure it's better than ever. Some days I'd rather stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head. Still, yet, there are those days that I just don't care what happens and have decided to live in the moment while I have it. I think those days are my favorite of all.

Looking back, knowing what I now know, there are so many things I'd do differently. Who wouldn't?! But, we can't go back. We can only move forward, taking with us those lessons we've learned along the way. So... I guess it's time to tear off the rear-view mirror and quit looking at where I've been and start focusing on where I'm headed. I have much to be thankful for and thankful I am... even in the hard times.

This is a bloom off of the only plant I have left from my mother's funeral. It always blooms around this time of year, near the anniversary of her passing, April 4th.

xoxoxo