Times Like These

Tonite, as I sit here writing this, I am having trouble breathing, my chest feels funny, my throat has been hurting like crazy and it feels like fluid is beginning to build up.  It's in times like these the situation really sucks because I'm not sure whether or not to go to the ER or just wait it out.  And I was having such a good day up until a few hours ago... frustration, yet, again.

Earlier today, I did a little computer work, met my best friend for lunch, ran with her to Wal Mart and then ran a few errands for her.  Once done, I went back to her workplace to help set up for a party.  Other than a slight head and neck ache, I felt pretty good.  Now, this.  What's up with the downturn all of a sudden? 

According to the statistics, chances of my having another heart attack is larger than if I'd never had one to begin with.  And, according to statistics, my survival rate isn't that great if I were to have one due to the amount of damage already done to my heart from the first go-round.  I know that the truth and the facts are two very different things, but until you've walked in my shoes, you really haven't a clue as to this fight I'm in.  Does tonite's episode affect my faith in God to get me through one way or another?  No!  He has very special plans for me and my life and they don't include sickness, pain or suffering.  I wish I had an answer for why we go through the things we do, but the truth of the matter is that it really doesn't matter... at least not to me.  It is what it is and God is who He is.

For now, that's all I'm able to write.  Looks like I'll be sleeping in a sitting position tonite in order to breathe a little easier, which isn't a big deal.  It's actually something I've, unfortunately, gotten used too. 

One day, hopefully soon, I will no longer be walking this road and it is well with my soul.


S.