The Update

I had my third Angiogram/Heart Cath this morning at the hospital. I felt great and ready to go in and get it over with, until I woke up this morning. Nerves were on edge and thoughts of 'what if's' began to flood my mind. Still, I knew I needed to have this procedure done and find out why I seem to get so short of breath and feel like I'm going to pass out at times, so I wasn't about to back out now.

Bottom line is... there is no blockage that wasn't there before. It has actually not gotten worse, but, at the same time, not gotten better. This is good news. Thank you, Jesus!

However, the thing that is frustrating for me is that the function of my heart has not improved and, according to the docs, this is what is causing the problem. If I want to prolong my life, I have to get back to exercising even though I may not be able to do much right now. For me, this is kind of like a catch 22 situation. I need to exercise, but it's difficult and I'm limited when it comes to stamina. But, I guess this is what I'm facing and have to find a way to make it work.

Thankfully, they discharged me after the Angio and let me come home to recoup, which has proven to be much more restful than spending the night in the hospital. It's been about nine hours since the procedure, but I'm still feeling fairly loopy and the incision where they went in is aching like none other. I don't remember this feeling before, but as long as there is no swelling, I think I'm good.

Well, at the end of the day, the awesome news is that I don't have blockage and won't require surgery. All that is required is to get my heart, which is a muscle, back to work. Easier said than done, but do-able. Maybe I need to go spend some time with my (almost) 80 year old aunt and hang out with her, helping her mow the yard, travel the world and live life to it's fullest even after having heart issues of her own! After thinking about that it makes me wonder, 'what's wrong with this picture'?!!

Thank you to those who have shown the love in such a beautiful way to me and my family. Your calls, concern, offers of help and prayers mean more than you will ever know!

xoxoxo

It Only Hurts When I Breathe

About a week ago, I made a trip into the Emergency Room due to the inability to breathe comfortably or, well, hardly at all. It wasn't such a big deal until I almost passed out and then remembered what one of the nurses told us as I left the IV Center, (before they found all the valve damage nearly two years ago), after having about 10 pounds of fluid drained off from around my heart, she said, "If you ever have that feeling again (the intense shortness of breath), just remember that you only have about twenty minutes to get into the ER, because it might mean your lungs are filling up with fluid and you are basically drowning."


Lovely. Make sure you tell me every horrid detail of everything that could happen... don't hold back!


This news did more harm than good for me, especially since I live out in the country and it takes exactly twenty minutes to get into town from here. I left the IV Center stunned, feeling defeated and basically just numb. There were just no words. For the longest time, I found myself waiting on this event to happen on a daily basis. That thought and those words were never far from my mind.


Fast forward to last Friday night... I am now fairly used to the routine I am put through once I get into the ER. First of all, I have this card that I call my 'Fast Pass', which takes me straight to the back with nurses ready and waiting on me. I never have to wait. I'd like to think of it as divine favor, but in reality, everybody knows that chest pains and cardiac patients take priority.


Since having surgery and the valve repaired, things seemed to be getting better, to an extent. I noticed that I still had trouble keeping up with the group on outtings or just getting through the grocery store in a timely manner like before... most everything has changed as far as my stamina is concerned and it's a bitter pill to swallow sometimes. Well, most all the time and it just plain sucks not being able to do and go like before. It is what it is... for now. That's my new favorite saying.


Back in the ER, blood was drawn, IV's were inserted in my hand, EKG's completed in record time, chest x-ray done, oxygen canula stuck up my nose and vitals were being monitored regularly. Finally, after receiving lab results, everything looked within the normal range except the numbers they check for excess fluid buildup. Hmmmm... imagine that. Now, it wasn't extremely high, but they did decide that I should up my dosage of Torsemide, which is like Lasix. Here is where it gets complicated... too much Torsemide dehydrates me and makes me sicker than a dog. Too little and I'm on my way back to the Emergency Room due to fluid buildup. It's a tricky little thing, but something I just have to watch closely for now.


As you are probably aware, after a trip to the ER, you are advised to follow-up with your physician within the next few days. Knowing the office routine, just as in the ER, there would be the basic examination and lots of questioning. So, I decided to just call and leave a message for my doc's nurse to explain everything to him and see if it might be worth doing another Angiogram (this is the procedure where they stick the catheter up through the groin area - yowch - and thread it through the arteries to the heart and shoot you with dye to check for blockage) to see why I'm not progressing as I should. He called back, left a message and basically agreed that we should go in and see what is going on.


Yay. (Again, said in my Kourtney Kardashian monotone response.) Thinking back... I'm hoping and praying this isn't another ICD install procedure nightmare where I woke up during all the 'fun'!


This procedure will take place next week and we will see if there is more blockage, if the valve repair is still in place or what the heck is going on. Hopefully, nothing that can't be fixed right there and then... a stent, maybe? Whatever the outcome, one thing I do know at this moment in time... I will not (I repeat: WILL NOT) be going through another heart surgery for obvious reasons.


So... for now, that is where things stand. Tonite, I am keeping two of my grandbabies so that they can be a wonderful distraction for me from the reality of what is going on with my body. I can hardly wait to get out the bubble machine, my camera and turn up the music!


I will update once I'm home and we know what's what, but for now, I would greatly appreciate your prayers... as always.



xoxoxo

Randomnocities (Is that a real word???)

This week has been somewhat of a struggle to come up with a topic near and dear to my heart (no pun intended) that isn't directly related to my heart, so I've decided to let you into my life on a more personal basis by sharing some random facts about moi...







I love music of all types, especially if it has a great beat and tight harmonies.





I love, love, love to travel... anywhere.





I played the violin in the orchestra from the age of 8 through my Senior year in HS and will occasionally still get it out and play a little Mozart from time to time.





I love photography, but am growing to love Graphic Design more and more each day.





My favorite time of day is from 8:30 - 9:00 every morning. After 9 a.m., forget it!





Since I quit smoking, I can now get ready for the day in an hour-and-a half, instead of nearly two-and-a-half hours. And yes, the older I get, the longer it takes!





If I don't make my bed every day, I'm crabby.





Practical jokes are a must in my life.





I love to laugh, especially at the most inopportune times and for no particular reason. Joy at it's finest!





I'd love to sing backup for my daughter someday.





I love those Vanilla Bean Fraps... thanks, Syd!





I love getting mani/pedi's on a regular basis, while listening to my ipod and turning the massage chair on high.





My dream job is to be one of the Presidential Photographers.





I would so love to learn to play the drums.





I'm addicted to 'House' and not ashamed to admit it.





My favorite time of year is Fall when the air begins to get crisp and the leaves begin to change color.





I want to write a book.





I have issues with people who are controlling, probably because I have control issues of my own.





A trip to Wal Mart will put me on edge.





Each time I found out I was going to have a baby, I prayed for identical twins.





My creative goal is to produce, direct, photograph and edit short films with a positive message.





I can't drink regular juice without liquid Potassium in it. (It's complicated.)





When I was 8 years old, my grandmother taught me to sew and I still love it to this day.





I love to throw parties and am in the planning stages of one right now.





Love to be around happy, positive, encouraging people and I pray that others see me that way.





I love eyelash extensions.





I get crabby when I sweat after getting my hair and makeup done.





We raise cattle for beef, but I don't eat meat very often at all.





Am dealing with Anemia... see above.





My weaknesses are shoes, purses and jewelry.





My favorite day of the week is Sunday... family day in our house!





I love to be spontaneous, although sometimes it can get me into trouble.





I love it when a 'Dance Party' breaks out and the bubble machine is filling my house with bubbles while the grandbabies are here!





Love hearing my dad speak his native language of Cherokee and wish he'd taught his children more appropriate phrases when we were little!





Love it when I finish my husband's sentences and it freaks him out. I've got him wondering if I really can read his mind!





I love a good game of Dominoes.





I love having lunch or dinner out with friends.





Am extremely intimidated by the new Photoshop program I just installed.





Sang the 'Love Boat' theme, uninhibited, while under the influence in the recovery room after bypass surgery.





Love to go out in the boat with my husband. (This one is not relative to the 'Love Boat' theme mentioned above.)




I now shoot with a Canon and am not ashamed to admit it!





Would love to get a Fainting Goat just for entertainment purposes.





My favorite RHW is Lisa of Beverly Hills. She tells it like it is and doesn't give a 'rodent's rectum' (her words) what anyone thinks!





And I could go on and on...





Sometimes, I'm so random, I surprise even myself but you have to know that I've come a long way from where I used to be and I'm good with that. This has been fun and has had something of a freeing effect. I highly recommend it! If you do decide to share some randomness about yourself, please let me know. I'll be the first to read it!

The photo above is just a random, precious

little face that kept peeking over the dividing

wall during lunch with one of my girls and

I just couldn't help capturing this image!

Oh, and speaking of randomness... take a moment today to go out and perform a random act of kindness for someone just because you can! You'll be glad you did.









xoxoxo

Goin' To The Chapel

Wedding season is upon us with a vengeance, it seems. So far, I've received a few invites along with some 'Save The Date' notifications. All this bliss has caused me to do some heavy thinking in the matrimonial area of life and what these blinded-by-love, don't-have-a-clue, young innocents might potentially have lying in store for them ahead...

It all started as I sat in church and listened to the Pastor as he taught a new series that dealt with various family issues. One of the issues was an illustration of how the bride readies herself for her groom on their special day by making sure, starting months in advance, that everything about her and her most important day is nothing less than pure perfection. As for the groom... these days it seems that even the grooms are as involved and caught up in the wedding details as much, if not moreso, than most brides. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this one... needless to say, things have changed quite a bit in this area since I got married a while ago.

As the Pastor continued his sermon, he began describing how this isn't real life and I couldn't agree more. Why not, instead of seeing her at her very best walking down that aisle, she comes in as a walking mess, carrying with her a little infertility or maybe some cancer here and there, oh and throw in a dash of closet drinking to top things off? As she nears the love of her life, the one she's about to pledge her life to and offer up those vows with, she sees him standing there, waiting to greet her... only he, too, is a mess with issues of his own. With each step she takes, she sees the scars from his past heart surgeries, the oxygen tank he now drags around with him due to the emphysema from years of smoking, and then she realizes that tank isn't the only thing her beloved is dragging around. She notices one side of his body is lifeless from the recent stroke he suffered, leaving him partially paralyzed, which explains the wheelchair waiting at his side.

Sounds a bit on the dramatic side, doesn't it? Acutally, it holds more truth than I had ever thought possible. Well, that is until I got married and suddenly realized that life sometimes just isn't the way we dream or hope it will be for us. I've always said that the wedding is the easy part... staying married is where the challenge lies. It's in these challenges of hearing those words, "You've miscarried..." It's in these challenges of getting that phone call informing you that your husband was just hit by a car while out working roadside. It's in these challenges of getting laid off from a really good job. It's in the challenges of running to the hospital to say good-bye to a dying loved one together. It's in the challenge of facing a major crisis, not knowing if your wife will pull through or ever be the same physically or emotionally that our true selves are revealed. These challenges and many more I won't list are just a few my husband and I have had to face at one point or another since getting married. Obviously, none of it has been easy, but that's life and life has a funny way of sometimes not playing fair.

I guess this is where I get to share about the man I married almost thirty years ago. Coming from two very different worlds, we were instantly drawn to each other. Well, almost instantly, but since I'm fairly certain my children will be reading this, as far as they're concerned, it was love at first sight!

From the very beginning, I knew he was a loving, caring man with many outstanding qualities that were hard to come by in anyone I'd previously been seeing. We've both always believed that we were meant to be together... "You're the reason God made Oklahoma" was his song for me. Life was full of exciting and adventurous times at the beginning of our marriage. However, it didn't take long for the reality of facing our first challenge, a miscarriage, to blindside us. Neither of us saw it coming and it was hard. But, he was there for me every step of the way, even though I knew he had to be hurting, too. He was man enough to take care of my needs before his own. Soon after, his mother passed away suddenly. Another hit that left us reeling to the core.

Many things, good and bad, have taken place since then, most recently being my heart issues. I have to say that he, along with my best friend, Kym, never left my side before, during and after the Bypass Surgery. I won't go into detail, but this man... this superman of mine, did some things no husband should ever have to do for his wife. Ever! But, he did them and never once complained. He pushed me to do the required walking once I'd gotten to the 'Cardiac Boot Camp Floor' even though I was less than cooperative. He made sure I got to all my doctor appointments and Cardiac Rehab appointments, even if he had to reschedule all his appointments for the day. He has made more dinners and cleaned up afterward than I can count. He has played Mr. Mom to our youngest daughter with taking her to all her practices and games. And... I'm proud and most thankful to say he's still hanging in there with me without one complaint through any of it! I think I would go as far to say he's my biggest supporter and number one fan. He believes I can do anything and encourages me to at least try. He's one amazingly, wonderful, loving, loyal and devoted guy... that's his name, by the way. Guy. And I'm one very blessed and grateful girl to have him by my side!

Now, as for all those newly married couples or those just about to be newly married, take heart... life will throw some really tough curve balls your way, but don't get discouraged. Remember those vows... "in good times and in bad. In sickness and health. For richer or poorer..." Make them real in your lives because the issues of life are very real and you will need each other. Most importantly, if God is truly the center of your union, as He should be, you will make it through those challenges intact... maybe a little battered and bruised, but stronger together and two are always better than one. For if one falls, the other will pick him up...

Thank you for continuing to pick me up, Guy!

xoxoxo

LIFE Rehearsal

The other day, I was editing images from a shoot I did for our church, which happens to be called LIFE Church. When going through this process, I always put the images in their own file, titled by the name of the person or event. Genius, huh? Anyway, as I was finishing up, I realized this new folder needed a name so I decided to call it 'LIFE Rehearsal'. (These particular images were test shots during a rehearsal of a special service they were getting ready to have.) Again... genuis, huh?

The next day, as the actual event was taking place, I, along with three other photographers, could be found running around trying to get various candid and creative shots of all the events taking place at once. One of my favorite kind of jobs, by the way! Once done and breathing a very exhilerating sigh of relief, I began going through all the shots (about 400 of them) so that I could crop and color correct. I knew this would be no small task, but I was excited and honored to be asked so I began to gear up for the job ahead. Actually, in my own personal opinion, shooting a job is the easy part. The real work begins once you sit down at that computer and begin an intimate relationship with Photoshop!

As expected, it took me a few days to get through all the images, but each time I sat down to work and opened up the file, those words, 'LIFE Rehearsal' hit me like a brick! LIFE Rehearsal. Life. Rehearsal. The more I saw and thought about these words, the more I realized that this life we're living isn't a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs. Not exactly a huge revelation, is it? However, for me, it is. For so long, I spent much of my life waiting. I'm not exactly sure what it was I was waiting on, but for lack of a better way to explain it, I waited. I waited for just the perfect time to get on a plane and take a dream vacation. I waited and got myself psyched up for the right moment to quit smoking. Along these lines, waiting was the name of the game for many areas of my life such as giving up sugar, losing weight, exercising and just getting my life together, in general.

To my dismay, (I've always wanted to use those words in a sentence and thought, 'why wait') this little heart incident that has so rudely interrupted my life has changed my perspective on many things. Actually, I pretty much had no choice. It was either do or die... literally. So, I decided to make a choice and stop waiting. Stop waiting to die, which is seriously what I found myself doing after half my heart decided to stop working on me. I decided to get out and live while I could, no matter what it took. I decided to splurge and buy that camera that I'd had my eye on for the last year and go ahead and upgrade my current Photoshop program so that I could get back to work and follow through with what I've always known to by one of my passions. I decided to just do my best to enjoy each day I am given and take the biggest leap of faith I ever could have imagined and in doing that I have found that it's a pretty amazing life! There are so many fascinating things out there that are right at our fingertips, waiting for us to just grab hold of and go!

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, this life we live here on earth is not a dress rehearsal. As corny and hokey as it may sound, it truly is the real thing and as for me, when I look back, I want to be able to say that living this life of mine was more wonderful than I could have ever dreamed. Having others say, "Man, she really knew how to live..." wouldn't be such a bad thing, either.

xo

SUYL Favorite Vacation Spot: Key West, Florida

The Florida Keys... where the weather is perfect, the scenery is gorgeous and serene and the food is delish!

You Know It's Going To Be A Bad Day When...

+You wake up, face down, on the pavement.
+You get to work and find a 60 Minutes News Team waiting in your office.
+Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
+You wake up and discover that your waterbed broke... and then you realize you don't have a waterbed.
+You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of your city.
+Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
+Your car horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.
+Your four-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
+You realize you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.
+Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.
+You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
+You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonite and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
+Airline food starts to taste good.
+Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
+Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
+Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
+You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.
+The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
+Your income tax refund check bounces.
+You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
and finally...
+It costs more to fill up your car that it did to buy it.

Life is meant to be lived. Get out and enjoy every second.


xoxoxo

Update on last week's post: I survived and made it past Thursday's tune-up to the ICD. Turns out, the nurse in the office had misread the settings on my implanted device. I believe she now owes me about four boxes of hair color and the last two years of my life back!