LIFE Rehearsal

The other day, I was editing images from a shoot I did for our church, which happens to be called LIFE Church. When going through this process, I always put the images in their own file, titled by the name of the person or event. Genius, huh? Anyway, as I was finishing up, I realized this new folder needed a name so I decided to call it 'LIFE Rehearsal'. (These particular images were test shots during a rehearsal of a special service they were getting ready to have.) Again... genuis, huh?

The next day, as the actual event was taking place, I, along with three other photographers, could be found running around trying to get various candid and creative shots of all the events taking place at once. One of my favorite kind of jobs, by the way! Once done and breathing a very exhilerating sigh of relief, I began going through all the shots (about 400 of them) so that I could crop and color correct. I knew this would be no small task, but I was excited and honored to be asked so I began to gear up for the job ahead. Actually, in my own personal opinion, shooting a job is the easy part. The real work begins once you sit down at that computer and begin an intimate relationship with Photoshop!

As expected, it took me a few days to get through all the images, but each time I sat down to work and opened up the file, those words, 'LIFE Rehearsal' hit me like a brick! LIFE Rehearsal. Life. Rehearsal. The more I saw and thought about these words, the more I realized that this life we're living isn't a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs. Not exactly a huge revelation, is it? However, for me, it is. For so long, I spent much of my life waiting. I'm not exactly sure what it was I was waiting on, but for lack of a better way to explain it, I waited. I waited for just the perfect time to get on a plane and take a dream vacation. I waited and got myself psyched up for the right moment to quit smoking. Along these lines, waiting was the name of the game for many areas of my life such as giving up sugar, losing weight, exercising and just getting my life together, in general.

To my dismay, (I've always wanted to use those words in a sentence and thought, 'why wait') this little heart incident that has so rudely interrupted my life has changed my perspective on many things. Actually, I pretty much had no choice. It was either do or die... literally. So, I decided to make a choice and stop waiting. Stop waiting to die, which is seriously what I found myself doing after half my heart decided to stop working on me. I decided to get out and live while I could, no matter what it took. I decided to splurge and buy that camera that I'd had my eye on for the last year and go ahead and upgrade my current Photoshop program so that I could get back to work and follow through with what I've always known to by one of my passions. I decided to just do my best to enjoy each day I am given and take the biggest leap of faith I ever could have imagined and in doing that I have found that it's a pretty amazing life! There are so many fascinating things out there that are right at our fingertips, waiting for us to just grab hold of and go!

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, this life we live here on earth is not a dress rehearsal. As corny and hokey as it may sound, it truly is the real thing and as for me, when I look back, I want to be able to say that living this life of mine was more wonderful than I could have ever dreamed. Having others say, "Man, she really knew how to live..." wouldn't be such a bad thing, either.

xo

SUYL Favorite Vacation Spot: Key West, Florida

The Florida Keys... where the weather is perfect, the scenery is gorgeous and serene and the food is delish!

You Know It's Going To Be A Bad Day When...

+You wake up, face down, on the pavement.
+You get to work and find a 60 Minutes News Team waiting in your office.
+Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
+You wake up and discover that your waterbed broke... and then you realize you don't have a waterbed.
+You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of your city.
+Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
+Your car horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.
+Your four-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
+You realize you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.
+Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.
+You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
+You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonite and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
+Airline food starts to taste good.
+Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
+Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
+Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
+You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.
+The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
+Your income tax refund check bounces.
+You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
and finally...
+It costs more to fill up your car that it did to buy it.

Life is meant to be lived. Get out and enjoy every second.


xoxoxo

Update on last week's post: I survived and made it past Thursday's tune-up to the ICD. Turns out, the nurse in the office had misread the settings on my implanted device. I believe she now owes me about four boxes of hair color and the last two years of my life back!

The Lighter Side

I've heard it said that when facing trials, instead of focusing on the obvious, try looking for the good in whatever it is. Well, alrighty then. Here goes...


Yesterday was not such a good day... just ask my mother-in-law. (Thank you, by the way, mother-in-law, for loving me like you do!)


It all began with a phone call I received from my Cardiologist's office. Patty, the nurse over the ICD/Pacemaker patients, had noticed on my 'download' that was automatically sent in over the phone (it's something almost like Wi-Fi, but it's not... it's complicated) there was something there that wasn't right. "We need you to come in and see the ICD 'Specialists' when they're here on Thursday. You need some kind of adjustment and they're the only ones who can figure out what's wrong." Those are the words she said. Here's what I heard: "You're dying and I can't tell you why, so let's just hope you make it 'til Thursday so that you don't die."


Let's hope. (*Said in my Kourtney Kardashian monotone-expressionless-face-voice!)


While on the subject, it's amazingly interesting, the various conversations overheard (and no, I'm not eavesdropping! Keep in mind most of these patients with weak hearts are also hard-of-hearing. Enough said.) while sitting in the waiting room of the Cardiologist's office. For example, the following is a real conversation between two ladies that could be overheard by the whole room:


Patient One: My husband and I used to go catfishing all the time and then he died. But before he died, this one time we went fishing off a bridge and we caught a 47 pound flathead! That thing was so heavy, it took both of us to pull it up out of the water and even then it fought so hard, I had to get out my gun and shoot it in the head!


Patient Two: Really? What do you do with those things?


Patient One: What things?


Patient Two: The flat-thingies.


Patient One: Well, you eat 'em!!


Patient Two: Really?! (She actually seemed a bit repulsed by the thought!)


Patient One: Oh, yeah... them's the best eatin'!!


Shortly after, and thankfully, I was called to the back to see Doctor. Honestly, it was all I could do not to just bust out laughing, uncontrollably and here's the kicker... I can relate to exactly what Patient One is talking about as my husband is an avid catfisherman. I've heard the stories. I've seen the size of some of these 'flat-thingies' and I've even heard them wail after their tails have been cut off in order to let them bleed out. One thing I have not seen, though, is anyone shooting one of these fish in the head! I guess you do what you gotta do.







Why am I reminded of banjos all of a sudden? Who am I kidding... those 'flathead thingies' really are good eatin'!


Oh, to be of the age where you can say whatever you want and don't give a care! Let's hope I make it past Thursday so that I can find out...


Go out and share a smile today. Some stranger might just need what only you have to give!





xoxoxo

Running The Race

I went to a track meet the other day and found myself on sensory overload. There was so much going on at one time, so many schools with various jerseys, this event or that being announced one after another and just a lot of noise in general. After many phone calls, I finally found my daughter amongst all the teenage kids, waiting for their respective events to begin. Ours, just so, happened to take place at the end of the day so it made for a long day of waiting, picture taking and people watching. I actually like to watch people and observe their different behaviors so I didn't really mind this wait much at all.

As the day wore on, the events seemed to get longer and longer. At one point, while sitting in the stands watching a girl's event that was rather long, it was obvious they were getting tired coming down the homestretch. Then I saw her. The girl at the very end of the very long line of girls running toward the finish line. There was something about her that I found fascinating. I pulled up my camera and took her picture before I even realized it and then it hit me... I am that girl!

Well, I don't mean that in a literal sense, obviously. However, when I saw her bringing up the rear, clearly much slower than the rest of the pack in front of her, with this look of 'why-even-try' on her face, I could immediately relate to her situation. I looked at my friend sitting next to me, who happened to see her at the same time I did and said, "And that would be me... dragging up the rear, barely hanging on in this race of life, BUT not giving up!" We laughed, but there was a certain amount of truth to that statement.

Even though I don't understand why things had to happen the way they did or when they did, the point remains is that they did happen and I can't go back to undo any of it. So now what? Maybe today wasn't a good day to write, because today is one of those days that I either want to stay in bed and cope with it all by sleeping or get out and hit the road with no particular destination in mind and just drive until I run out of gas.

My life, after a year-and-a-half, still feels so up and down and I find that frustrating. I still get angry when I hear statistics about heart failure patients. I don't want to be defined by this scar running down the middle of my chest or the amount of pills I take each day. This is the point at which the race gets hard and I just want to throw my hands up, but... something inside keeps pushing me on toward that finish line. Maybe it has a little something to do with this saying I've sort of lived my life by since hearing it about twenty- five years ago: "Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can!" Yes, I have a stubborn streak and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It is what it is.

Whatever the case, this is life. And it's a hard day in the life of being me. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I won't look at all the people who complain about everything and not want to shake some sense into them. Tomorrow, I will be more appreciative of all the little things in life that I am able to accomplish instead of focusing on what is taxing on my body, wearing me down. Tomorrow I just might go shopping and love every minute of it. Tomorrow, the sun will come out. Tomorrow... you're only a day away. And tomorrow, I'll be one step closer to the finish line.

xoxoxo

In A Heart Beat

That's how quickly things can change without us ever seeing it coming! One of these life-changing events, for me, was the day my mother passed away. I'll never forget that day and the details throughout...

I woke up early and started getting ready for a day of shopping with my daughter. It wasn't long after that when the phone rang. The caller ID showed that it was the hospital number. Who can honestly say that they've never had 'that thought' when they've seen 'that number' come up?

'That thought' crossed my mind, briefly, but when I did answer and was asked if _________ was my mother, I felt my heart drop and then I held my breath. The news was not good. They explained that she had been brought in by ambulance during the night and, after much testing, it had been determined that she had a perforated bowel that could not be repaired due to the fragility of her heart. "Things don't look good. You'd better call the rest of the family together." I will forever remember those words.

We knew she hadn't been feeling well, but had no warning that her time on earth was about to come to an end so abruptly. Later that night, she passed away.

We've all had those moments when something suddenly stops us in our tracks and puts things into perspective. Whether it's family, close friends or something happening to us directly, those times aren't easy to face. Sometimes they're downright unfair and leave us confused, hurt, bitter, angry and full of 'why's'!

When one of those events hits you dead on, it's quite the wake-up call. After my heart attack, I can remember being told that depression, suicidal thoughts and just wanting to give up was quite normal. Seems having a near-death experience tends to give one a whole new outlook on the world around you. I can attest to that fact. I can name off many others who have also experienced those feelings. I, however, prefer not to refer to them as 'normal'. Whether it's just a time of testing, a time of growing, a time of reflecting... whatever it is or whatever it is meant to accomplish, I honestly don't know. The one thing I do know is that, for me, life will never be the same. Some days I work hard at making sure it's better than ever. Some days I'd rather stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head. Still, yet, there are those days that I just don't care what happens and have decided to live in the moment while I have it. I think those days are my favorite of all.

Looking back, knowing what I now know, there are so many things I'd do differently. Who wouldn't?! But, we can't go back. We can only move forward, taking with us those lessons we've learned along the way. So... I guess it's time to tear off the rear-view mirror and quit looking at where I've been and start focusing on where I'm headed. I have much to be thankful for and thankful I am... even in the hard times.

This is a bloom off of the only plant I have left from my mother's funeral. It always blooms around this time of year, near the anniversary of her passing, April 4th.

xoxoxo

Have A Good Time

Recently, I visited my in-laws and just had the best time, in general. However, one of the highlights of that visit was getting to take a ride on the back of my brother-in-law's motorcycle. First of all, when my sister-in-law found out that he was taking ME out, her response was something like, "You go, girl!" Meaning, what a shock it was that I had actually asked to do this thing I wouldn't normally have done previous to all the health issues.

It's hard to describe in detail, unless you've been through it, how things can change in the blink of an eye, when you least expect it. When you least expect it... that's such a strange phrase, because when you think about it, who really sits around, waiting and expecting things to change for the worst? Me, that's who. Well, prior to the Heart Attack. Yep. That would be me.

If you've ever read the book, 'Hinds' Feet on High Places' by Hannah Hurnard, just imagine me being a big part of the 'Fearling Family'. This family was, as their name so described, fearful of everything. They had nothing good to say about or see in anyone. This was me. Always fearful of and dreading the worst-case scenario. It was to the point that even going to stores or restaurants, I would be sure to make a mental note of where each 'Exit' was... just in case. Actually, at the time, I thought I was being quite responsible. Now, I just look back, shake my head in shame and realize how I let fear take over nearly every area of my life.

While riding on the back of that bike last weekend, I began to share with my brother-in-law how I thought having the heart attack was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me, due to the fact that it made me realize it was time to stop dreaming about the life I had always wanted to live and start living it. Despite the fact that there are still some limitations on my health as far as stamina, I can honestly say that my attempts at 'livin' the life' are becoming a reality for me.

As we talked while riding, he began to encourage me with a verse from Ecclesiates 3, which speaks about enjoying life and dealing with the challenges that we may face. It only confirmed, for me, that I didn't need to live in fear anymore. It's time to carry on and remember that "... we can never know what God is up to, whether He's coming or going. I've decided there's nothing better to do than go ahead and HAVE A GOOD TIME and get the most we can out of life..." Message translation. That doesn't mean it's acceptable to go out and live dangerously, but maybe it is time to get out of our little boxes of comfort and safety and enjoy the abundant life we've been promised. Too bad it took something drastic for me to realize this... or is it? Maybe this is just what I needed to learn to love harder, live better, give generously, think positively and enjoy each moment I have, no matter what the circumstance. I've already been through some pretty horrific stuff... nothing much surprises me anymore.

So... it's off to live I go and plan my third trip down to the Florida Keys in the Fall. Did I mention we just got back from our second trip a couple of weeks ago? It was my youngest daughter's first time to fly in an airplane and she loved, loved, loved it. As you can imagine, she, also, was quite fearful of flying due to my influences and examples. Once she realized, too, how quickly things can change and began to see my life take a turn for a better, happier place, she jumped on board and now there is no stopping either of us! I do believe the travel bug has bitten us and bitten us HARD! Our Summer trip will be amazing... don't know where we're going as of yet, but I know it will rock!

This reminds me of a sticker a friend's daughter gave me that says, 'Destined to be an Old Lady with No Regrets!' Yep, that would be me!

xoxoxo