Getting Lost

I'm in the middle of watching a movie where this girl is lost in a foreign country and she runs into a handsome stranger who helps her find her way.  At the beginning of their conversation, he says to her, "You kind of like getting lost, don't you?"

This made me stop and think.

For me, getting lost used to be a bad thing.  Getting lost used to mean I was out of control of the situation.  Getting lost used to mean internal panic and anxiety.  Getting lost used to mean my only focus was now getting un-lost and back in familiar territory when I should have been sitting back, enjoying the scenery and taking time to stop and smell the roses along the way.  Once again, it took something drastic to help me come to this conclusion.

A couple of weeks ago, on a Sunday night, my friend and I took off with our cameras to do a 'skyline night shoot' of a bigger city about an hour from here.  Even though it's something I've always wanted to do, there was always a bit of apprehension due to the reputation (like all places) in some parts of this particular city. 

Little did I remember with whom I was traveling... the one who has the most adventurous spirit and is afraid of nothing!  Let me be clear here, it's not that I was afraid, I like to think of it as being more on the cautious side when in unfamiliar territory.  Especially at night.  Where there are bars and people who've been drinking are around.  I'm not afraid.  Just cautious, is all.  It's what was ingrained in me during my formative years and beyond.  My friend, on the other hand, is all about getting that perfect shot.  No matter what.

At the end of the night and after getting some pretty cool shots, I had this amazing feeling of accomplishment on the drive home.

Why did I feel the need to be so cautious?  Maybe a little overly-cautious?  Yes, I was overly-cautious and in the process of looking around, over my shoulder, keeping my back to the wall at times, I gave up the opportunity to shoot some potentially unique images.

Lesson learned.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm a firm believer in being familiar with your surroundings and all, but not to the extent that it keeps you from seeing some pretty incredible scenery.  That's exactly what I've managed to do over the majority of my life.  I've finally realized the true meaning of that saying, 'It's not the destination, it's the journey...'   In other words, relax and enjoy the ride.  You'll get to where you're going.  Eventually.

    




Sometimes it's fun to get off the beaten path.  You never know what you might find.




S.

Less Talk More Listen

Lately, I've gotten hooked on watching the You Tube videos that the American Heart Association has put out in the Go Red For Women Campaign.  My favorites (never thought I'd say that!) are the many stories from the various women sharing details of the day they'd had their cardiac episode.

Two things stick out and strike me as odd each time I hear another story:
1.  Women's heart attack symptoms are not necessarily always the same as a man's symptoms or even what one would think of as 'typical'.
2.  The emergency staff or doctor(s) treating many of these women, in more cases than not, had a tendency to dismiss their symptoms as anxiety.  With that, they'd give an anti-anxiety and prescribe an anti-depressant.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwV-r9vyRt8&feature=related


These two things make me sad and angry!

A while ago, I wrote about my own experience of the day I had my heart attack.  Sadly, I got the same reaction as many of these women once I'd gotten to the Emergency Room.  NO ONE even thought to look at my heart due to the symptoms AND my age.  Being 44 years old at the time, coming in with an extremely sore throat as my main symptom probably didn't seem to send up any red flags at first.  However, as time went on and my situation began going downhill, you would think one of those trained medical professionals would have thought to check my heart.

To be fair (does fairness really matter when you're about to die?), during most of the action, I was pretty out of it.  Being unable to breathe while on medication you're having a bad reaction to may have a tendency to do that to you.  Anyway, it wasn't until they were getting ready to send me home at the end of the day, because they couldn't find anything wrong, that someone finally spoke up and suggested checking the heart.  After reading through all the doctor's notes from that night, I learned that that someone was ME.  Thank you, Jesus!

Months later, I was asked to speak and give my story at an American Heart Association luncheon.  Not wanting to ruffle any feathers, I told my story, but left out what I really wanted to say, which is this:

      NOT ONLY DOES THERE NEED TO BE MORE RESEARCH AS TO WHY CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF WOMEN (NOW TAKING MORE AND MORE YOUNGER WOMEN), BUT OUR EMERGENCY PERSONNEL AND DOCTORS MUST BE BETTER EDUCATED IN THE AREAS OF THE ATYPICAL SYMPTOMS OF HEART ATTACKS IN WOMEN!

All this has me wondering how much responsibility should be placed on the doctors.  Just watch a few of the Go Red videos and see if you don't end up wondering the same.  It seems to me that a lot of heart attacks could be have been prevented if these women's doctors wouldn't have been so quick to dismiss their odd symptoms.

My own experience with a doctor who wouldn't listen ended up with me firing him.  He did more talking than listening and I ended up in the hospital due to blood pressure issues.  Instead of running tests to get to the root of the problem, he kept insisting on treating the symptoms with anti-depressants.  You can trust and believe the only emotion I was feeling was frustration and NOT depression!

Now, due to my medical history, they listen and will usually go above and beyond to make sure they cover all their bases.  Unfortunately, it took a pretty drastic health event to reach this point.  If anything has come out of this, one thing is for sure... I hope and pray that what happened to me has given our doctors cause to stop and think before discharging a young woman with throat, neck, jaw, ear or even thumb pain.

If you find yourself in a position where your doctor isn't willing to work with you and hear you out, find one who will.  It may take some time, but they're out there and it will be worth it.

Bottom line:  Less talk and more listen, Doc!

S.

 

    

A Broken Heart

Today was such a beautiful day... I heard my oldest daughter sing, 'Amazing Grace' with such an amazing anointing.  I heard my husband pray with that same beautiful anointing. I marveled at my three, beautiful girls and how they've matured into such wonderfully caring, compassionate and incredible young ladies who live for and love the Lord in a way I could only imagine at that age.

Today was gorgeous... until I watched my brother's urn go into the hole my husband dug.

Today was nearly perfect... until I watched my aging, grieving father pick up the shovel to begin to fill in the hole after the urn was placed.  That broke my heart.  I cannot begin to imagine how he is feeling, having to bury his child.

I stood under the only tree in the middle of the cemetary and tried to take in each moment of how this day felt.  Yes, perfect in so many ways, but so heart-breaking at the same time. 

At one point, I remember thinking how glad I was that this was now over and I can get on with life, but then I realized I've not even begun to grieve.  And there is much to grieve.  While I can't go into all the details, just trust me when I tell you that there is much to grieve.

I have regrets and I don't like that.

There is nothing I can do about it now and I don't like that.

I thought I'd have more time with him.  I don't and I don't like that.

My heart is broken.

He was my only sibling.  It's now just my dad and I.

His memory weighs heavy on my mind and in my heart.

I will forever remember everything about this day and what brought us together.  I will forever remember you, NDR, and all the good times.

I will not put off until tomorrow what I know I need to do today anymore, because of you and that, I like.

Your life did have meaning.  Whether you realize it or not, I am changed because of you and that, I like.

As I take each day and face each challenge, I do it knowing I already have more than enough on the inside to get me through the coming days ahead.  And that, I like.


S.

Catching My Breath

The last couple of weeks have had me reeling, as I have received news of my older brother's passing, planning his funeral, dealing with family and friend issues and just trying to make sure everyone, in general, is happy.  Tomorrow, we will have a private family burial and that will be it.  That.  Will.  Be.  It. 

This, once again, has been a huge wake-up call to me.  Especially since he died of a heart attack.  No prior warning symptoms.  He just collapsed and died.  The toxicology report won't be in for a while, but my guess is that it was what they call the 'Widow Maker.'  He was 48 years old.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about it all.  Losing a sibling is like losing a part of yourself, no matter how old you are.  We buried our mother about four years ago and I can tell you that from my perspective, this is very different for some reason.  I am sad and I am going to allow myself to have some down time... I don't plan to stay in this place emotionally, but I am planning to do some reflecting on my life, my dreams, my hopes, goals and then get to work at making them happen.  Right now, I just need to catch my breath and think about my brother, my grieving dad and try to make some sense of it all.

Again... as if I haven't stressed this point enough throughout this blog 'o mine... LIVE YOUR LIFE.  What are you waiting on?  We are not promised tomorrow.  We aren't even promised our next breath.  You only get one chance to get it right.  Treat others (especially those closest to you) as you would want to be treated.  Reach out to those who are in need or hurting and go above and beyond to be of service.  Quit focusing on the bad things in life... try turning that around and look for the good.  Live a life of gratitude, even (and especially) in the bad times.  Random acts of kindness (especially for a stranger) can go a long way and make a huge difference in someone's day.

Remember:  Now is the time.  The time is now.  You will never get this moment back.

Go out and be the change you want to see made in this world.


S.