Seventeen Months

Seventeen months ago, my life changed drastically. By now, most are familiar with my story of one cardiac issue after another, however, one area I rarely discuss is being a former smoker and how it has affected my life now.

I began smoking at the age of 16 when I got my first real job, working down in Central Supply (sterilizing surgical instruments) at our local hospital. Almost every lady in that particular department was a smoker, so it only seemed natural that I join in. Isn't it interesting, when we're so young, we never stop to think about consequences later in life. We live only in the moment and for some, like me, it proved to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

As you can well imagine, smoking led from one thing to another, which is a whole other post in itself... and, maybe one day, I'll share, but not today. In keeping to my story... after meeting and marrying my now-husband, discussions soon began about starting a family. A year later, I was handed the most beautiful little angel, whom we named Jessica.

Happily, during the first several months of pregnancy with her, I was unable to light-up due to morning sickness. It lasted well over the first trimester and went into the last trimester. It wasn't until the end of the pregnancy that I began smoking again. Thinking back on that now, it's absolutely not something that I'm proud to announce nor is it easy to admit. Thankfully, this act of selfishness on my part had no lasting effects on our beautiful baby girl.

As our little family grew, we decided it was time to get back to our roots and clean up our act. I think they call it becoming 'responsible adults'.

After I was finally able to get control and overcome several bad habits, smoking cigarettes was the one thing that I could not and would not let go of. In all honestly, I liked smoking. For those of you who don't smoke and haven't a clue as to why anyone would enjoy smoking, let me give you the run-down. Of course, I can only speak for myself, but these are a few of the reasons I enjoyed it so much:

- Smoking has a calming effect, despite the fact that it will raise your heart rate and blood pressure. Before the heart attack, I can remember that feeling of anxiety that something was terribly wrong in my body so, what would I do? LIGHT UP! Go figure.

- Having a meal is not complete until the after-dessert-cigarette has been smoked. I can't quite explain this phenomenon, but ask any smoker and they'll tell you the same.

- Hide a smoker's cigarettes, just for a few hours, and the end result will not be pretty.

- When trying to quit 'cold turkey', the overwhelming feeling of angst, sluggishness and the inablilty to exercise any form of rational thinking has gone out the window after a few hours, as the nicotine levels in your system begin to drop.

- Smokers have certain 'triggers' that, well, trigger the urge to smoke. Mine were as follows: driving/riding in the car, talking on the phone, putting on makeup, working on the computer to name just a few. Learning to re-live my life, while still having to drive, talk on the phone, put on makeup and work on the computer has been nothing short of one of the hardest things I've ever had to overcome. Life goes on. I have just had to find a way to function in this 'new normal.'

- Up until about a few months ago, I was still dealing with the cravings. At times, they were so bad, I just wanted to bang my head against the wall while curled up in the fetal position in the corner, fighting, with everything in me not to light up.

- Smoking vs. Weight Gain. Just about every smoker has it in their head that if they were to quit smoking, they'll gain weight. Well, this has been the case for me. Sometimes I wonder which is worse... poor health due to smoking or poor health due to poor eating habits to fill the void? Although, I could use it as an excuse, I still choose not to light up and just try to get back on the health wagon one day at a time.

Those are just a few of the challenges I've faced on my way to being able to refer to myself as a non-smoker. Now... let me share with you some of the benefits I've reaped as I've resisted every unrelenting urge to smoke:

- Travel. No more scrambling around to find a smoking section in the airport.

- Travel. My car smells nice all the time now.

- Travel. The confidence I have to get through overwhelmingly heavy traffic without having to depend on a cigarette to take the edge off.

- My blood pressure is down to a normal (and sometimes lower than normal) reading.

- Food tastes better, which might not be such a good thing...

- My sense of smell has been heightened, which sometimes isn't such a good thing, either...

- No more heading outside in the freezing cold or smoldering heat to burn one.

- My closet smells nice and fresh.

- Being able to say, 'NO' when asked by a doctor if I smoke.

- Helping out with my daughter's activities without the constant threat of the dreaded craving popping up.

- I'll have good skin as I age.

- My lung capacity has increased and will continue to do so.

- Being the one in control of this habit.

According to the American Heart Association, after a certain amount of time, your body can recover after you stop smoking. Here is a link describing the timeline and benefits when quitting smoking: http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/quit-smoking-timeline. This is encouraging to me.

Life on this end of the cigarette has not been an easy one to adapt to, but it has proven to be worth it.

xoxoxo