In A Heart Beat

That's how quickly things can change without us ever seeing it coming! One of these life-changing events, for me, was the day my mother passed away. I'll never forget that day and the details throughout...

I woke up early and started getting ready for a day of shopping with my daughter. It wasn't long after that when the phone rang. The caller ID showed that it was the hospital number. Who can honestly say that they've never had 'that thought' when they've seen 'that number' come up?

'That thought' crossed my mind, briefly, but when I did answer and was asked if _________ was my mother, I felt my heart drop and then I held my breath. The news was not good. They explained that she had been brought in by ambulance during the night and, after much testing, it had been determined that she had a perforated bowel that could not be repaired due to the fragility of her heart. "Things don't look good. You'd better call the rest of the family together." I will forever remember those words.

We knew she hadn't been feeling well, but had no warning that her time on earth was about to come to an end so abruptly. Later that night, she passed away.

We've all had those moments when something suddenly stops us in our tracks and puts things into perspective. Whether it's family, close friends or something happening to us directly, those times aren't easy to face. Sometimes they're downright unfair and leave us confused, hurt, bitter, angry and full of 'why's'!

When one of those events hits you dead on, it's quite the wake-up call. After my heart attack, I can remember being told that depression, suicidal thoughts and just wanting to give up was quite normal. Seems having a near-death experience tends to give one a whole new outlook on the world around you. I can attest to that fact. I can name off many others who have also experienced those feelings. I, however, prefer not to refer to them as 'normal'. Whether it's just a time of testing, a time of growing, a time of reflecting... whatever it is or whatever it is meant to accomplish, I honestly don't know. The one thing I do know is that, for me, life will never be the same. Some days I work hard at making sure it's better than ever. Some days I'd rather stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head. Still, yet, there are those days that I just don't care what happens and have decided to live in the moment while I have it. I think those days are my favorite of all.

Looking back, knowing what I now know, there are so many things I'd do differently. Who wouldn't?! But, we can't go back. We can only move forward, taking with us those lessons we've learned along the way. So... I guess it's time to tear off the rear-view mirror and quit looking at where I've been and start focusing on where I'm headed. I have much to be thankful for and thankful I am... even in the hard times.

This is a bloom off of the only plant I have left from my mother's funeral. It always blooms around this time of year, near the anniversary of her passing, April 4th.

xoxoxo

Have A Good Time

Recently, I visited my in-laws and just had the best time, in general. However, one of the highlights of that visit was getting to take a ride on the back of my brother-in-law's motorcycle. First of all, when my sister-in-law found out that he was taking ME out, her response was something like, "You go, girl!" Meaning, what a shock it was that I had actually asked to do this thing I wouldn't normally have done previous to all the health issues.

It's hard to describe in detail, unless you've been through it, how things can change in the blink of an eye, when you least expect it. When you least expect it... that's such a strange phrase, because when you think about it, who really sits around, waiting and expecting things to change for the worst? Me, that's who. Well, prior to the Heart Attack. Yep. That would be me.

If you've ever read the book, 'Hinds' Feet on High Places' by Hannah Hurnard, just imagine me being a big part of the 'Fearling Family'. This family was, as their name so described, fearful of everything. They had nothing good to say about or see in anyone. This was me. Always fearful of and dreading the worst-case scenario. It was to the point that even going to stores or restaurants, I would be sure to make a mental note of where each 'Exit' was... just in case. Actually, at the time, I thought I was being quite responsible. Now, I just look back, shake my head in shame and realize how I let fear take over nearly every area of my life.

While riding on the back of that bike last weekend, I began to share with my brother-in-law how I thought having the heart attack was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me, due to the fact that it made me realize it was time to stop dreaming about the life I had always wanted to live and start living it. Despite the fact that there are still some limitations on my health as far as stamina, I can honestly say that my attempts at 'livin' the life' are becoming a reality for me.

As we talked while riding, he began to encourage me with a verse from Ecclesiates 3, which speaks about enjoying life and dealing with the challenges that we may face. It only confirmed, for me, that I didn't need to live in fear anymore. It's time to carry on and remember that "... we can never know what God is up to, whether He's coming or going. I've decided there's nothing better to do than go ahead and HAVE A GOOD TIME and get the most we can out of life..." Message translation. That doesn't mean it's acceptable to go out and live dangerously, but maybe it is time to get out of our little boxes of comfort and safety and enjoy the abundant life we've been promised. Too bad it took something drastic for me to realize this... or is it? Maybe this is just what I needed to learn to love harder, live better, give generously, think positively and enjoy each moment I have, no matter what the circumstance. I've already been through some pretty horrific stuff... nothing much surprises me anymore.

So... it's off to live I go and plan my third trip down to the Florida Keys in the Fall. Did I mention we just got back from our second trip a couple of weeks ago? It was my youngest daughter's first time to fly in an airplane and she loved, loved, loved it. As you can imagine, she, also, was quite fearful of flying due to my influences and examples. Once she realized, too, how quickly things can change and began to see my life take a turn for a better, happier place, she jumped on board and now there is no stopping either of us! I do believe the travel bug has bitten us and bitten us HARD! Our Summer trip will be amazing... don't know where we're going as of yet, but I know it will rock!

This reminds me of a sticker a friend's daughter gave me that says, 'Destined to be an Old Lady with No Regrets!' Yep, that would be me!

xoxoxo